Today is 4/30/26 at about 4:30 a.m. and my self awareness is somewhat liminal. Have no idea why or what makes man unaware of their-selves. Think most do not even realize or even know they should question themselves in this way. Life is not a sitcom or even a movie and t.v. is partly to blame for this brainwash or so it seems. Responsibilities of ourselves…can we cast blame on this liminal feeling? It is a difficult struggle. An impossibility of self. Knowing the solidity of awareness and lack of as well I know it isn’t mental illness that is to blame. Having been gifted both feelings of solidity and liminal it gives awareness of our/this condition of being. The solidity is an amazing experience, and it is lacking in everyone I can observe in my sphere of contacts. Maturity of not having casual acceptance of mental awareness – the lack there of, and actions of the need of admiration of the posture of life create nothing but waste. The solidity I have had gifted on occasion has within itself the experience of a completeness no man has today. It is unexplainable the difference for words do not convey another persons feeling experience. We are all brainwashed with this lack of completeness of self. And the masses are completely unaware. Some are afflicted to the point of criminal divergent action and others into mental illness all searching for themselves in completeness, but they are unaware consciously of their own need and its lack that is missing of self. A maturity, a responsibility of self and a will of solidity have all been erased for compliance of self situations. An example in myself is this ‘presence’ (for lack of a better word) of the communicators that respond to my self thoughts and clamors and my acceptance of this situation of – in normalcy of my everyday life. That is ‘crazy’ and anyone would agree. For when the will of solidity surfaces that is the for-most thought I have. How it is an insanity to be within this communication mode. The difference in mental and physical ‘feeling’ is immeasurable in both, the solid state and liminal ‘normalcy’ of every day. I see no one with the will and maturity I have felt when they let me be ‘left alone’. It isn’t in anyone anymore, not what have felt myself of myself when ‘they’ leave me alone. No one!… It is used against us, the need of ‘admiration’. No one is without it within their own peer group be it family, work, society in general or whatever. Call it, as I will right here a torture. Society in general is tormented in some way but yet complacent, and they do not even know why. All of them. Think men are effected more completely than female from whatever the source of ‘effect’ it is, I do not know. In the united states we have lost our physical and mental health is all known by me. Is it the communicator’s technology…is it from a foreign country? Where from, unknown by me but its effect is seen every day in the media of the u.s.a. of reporting society to itself. So this post will close here, and I hope you can ponder your self feeling and self awareness. Do you feel real?